This is a second day edit. I have realized that now... on friday, i made a very fundamental error on this post. One might not be able to associate the title with the content. This is one of those "you had to be there" jokes, and I'm afraid the timing is long since shot. So I've waited until I was drunk again, so I could retain the spirit of the post. To Wit:...The whole point is... I can eat EGGS! It's terribly exciting. Normal protein that tastes like normal food. And the best part... I added cheese! At the suggestion of a good friend and at the reminder of my refrigerator, I was able to ingest GOUDA! And I discovered something. Gouda really does make the world a more pleasant place. Bless the Dutch, may their wooden shoes provide them with excellent posture for all of their days. So- Proost! or Skål! or Geluch! You crazy Dutch bastards!
This entire experience has been quite insightful. I expected the physical trauma to be more severe. Not that it isn't, but I really thought I'd be "out of it" for a while longer. As it turns out, it's been more annoying the truly painful, and more inconvenient the actually distasteful. However, the part I was not expecting was how much such trauma and solitude would fuck with my head. As those of you who know me well know... I do tend to be overly emotional. I am prone to irrational bouts of joy and sorrow, and I don't have what one might call a full or keen grasp on my head at all times. Yes, it's true... I'm an anxiety filled, neurotic, bloviating madman. Not as a rule, but certainly, at times, in practice. And I didn't pick the best time to have my implants fail and happen upon reconstructive surgery.
Not that I had a choice. I think that at times the world just plans to have as many annoyances and turmoil heaped upon you as it possibly can. It's not the world's fault. I'm not so self righteous as to think that someone or something "has it out" for me. But alas, April was less then ideal. So, I was melancholy. Bitter. Profoundly sad at times. Just annoyed at others. I prayed for normalcy, for a sense of calm. "Serenity now" if you will. But I know better. I do sometimes believe that peace of mind is reserved for monks, children and the stupid. I do believe at times in the old adage "The world is easier for those of us not cursed with introspection".
But of course most of this isn't true. The truth, I'm betting, is that I do in fact suffer from maddeningly obsessive thoughts, surface level emotional conflict, and an all around piss poor ability to GET THE FUCK A HOLD OF MYSELF. But this is not news. I've realized this for at least 15 years. It's just that this past month has been a particularly notable example. However, the past 48 hours has provided marked improvement. I am reminded of several things that I share with you all now:
-) I can't control what people think or do, and letting these things bother me will only drive me more insane than I am on a day to day basis
-) Time does, in fact, heal all wounds
-) I love the ocean. I might not surf or spend my days on the beach. But when push comes to shove, staring at the waves, smelling the salt air, and watching the sunset over the vast blue-green endlessness of the Pacific will always calm the mind and feed the soul. Seriously, no offense to anyone who grew up landlocked... but damn that would suck. I just have to know that it's there, close by, when I need it.
So I come now to the end of today's aphorisms. They are perhaps a tad rambling and incoherent. So as a mea cupla, I can add one practical item. As of yesterday, I was finally able to see the other wound that was part of my procedure. Remember, this was a bone graft. Meaning they had to get the bone from somewhere. That turned out to be the pointy part of my right hip. Put your hand on your hip, and find that part several inches right and slightly south of your navel where your pelvis is closest to the surface. Below you will find that wound on me. Under it is a missing chunk of bone, perhaps half the width of a craps die, and twice as long. It's kind of cool, you can actually feel the hole! To wit:
