And so it begins....

I'm about to embark on what is probably a relatively benign experience, in the grand scheme of things. I mean, my jaws not being wired shut. I don't have to take IV nutrition. In the final analysis, I'm sure this is all just another month in wacky world of oral surgery.

So, some background. Years ago my father fought in the clone wars. No wait, that's not the story. Some years back, i fucked up my mouth. knocked out some teeth, had some new ones screwed in. A little extra gum here, and little root canal there, Viola! Normal mouth. Oh I knew that eventually, maybe in my 30's (GASP) I might have to have the whole thing corrected. But hell, what did I care? I was 18, 20 years old. I have a shiny new apartment off campus. Plenty of friends to get wasted and play pinball with. Life was good.

Life, in fact, still is good. For the most part. But hey, nothing's perfect, and I'm content with this. But that day has come. All the bionic teeth are finally taking a dive. And alas, it's bone grafting for me. So in two days time (technically 1.5), it's time to slice into the ol' face and cram some new bone up there. Fortunately (or so I am told), my very own bone. Borrowed from my very own hip. I've got plenty of hip to work with, so I'm sure I can sacrifice it (side note: I want very much to make a quip about how hip, or unhip or tragically hip I am. But for the sake of anyone, anywhere, reading this, I will resist that urge. Such a tired line)

Still, I'm a little nervous. I think I have the right to be. It's gonna be a pretty messed up process. 4 teeth coming out (two are already fake, 2 more are my own. Perhaps my mom can make me a necklace out of them). I will not have any replacements for about 2 weeks. And I can't chew food for a month! That's right, no mastication whatsoever! (no, you pervs... that's not what I said. I can totally do that. When's the last time you used your mouth for that?). And then, after months of healing, they go right back in there and screw some more shiny new teeth in. At least, that's the plan. Although not traditionally a planner, I'm really rooting for it this time.

Of course, there are some bright sides. Silver filings if you will. First off, I have to quite smoking. Like... really. For good. No kidding honest to god can't have a freakin' smoke at all. I'm hoping that severe pain will help alleviate the headache I expect to have in a few days. Secondly, I really hope to lose some weight. I'm going all soups and shakes and smoothies. Whey proteins, and flax seed oil and yogurt. The whole gamut. I mean, sure... there will be Campbell's Tomato and mashed potatoes in there. I'm not some friggin' health monk. But I think I can do it. As it stands I believe I'm currently the largest member of my family and extended family known to exist. Ever. 245 at least. I could gladly leave 20 lbs or so wrapped up in a bag next to my garbage teeth. It would rock. I have some pants I need to get into again. Shit, what's happened... 2 days before surgery and I'm becoming androgynous. Finally, I hope to use the time to heal mentally, emotionally and physically. To round out my tortured soul and troubled mind. Somewhere a voice whispers "ease his pain". Sadly, I cannot build baseball field in my 1 bdrm apt. But I can watch baseball. And write about it. And read poetic dissertations about it. But still.. somewhere there is a ghost of a damned spirit that will guide me through my angst, and allow me to ease my pain. Of course, it is entirely likely that when i hear that voice, it'll be the percocet talking. Either way, I'll be in the right frame of mind to listen.

And finally, based on the suggestion of a dear woman, to blog. To pour monastic seclusion into words. To amuse myself with prose. And maybe to amuse you. If you're actually there. How could I know? I mean, if a blog is written in the ether and no one reads it, is it really a blog? So I begin now, in earnest, to blog my face.

Next step, the before pictures....